An Empire of Noise

The Season Heats Up

2012-01-30T13:54:00.003-05:00

Here's a taste of what's to come with the Difficult Listening Channel Podcast:

DLC-164

Operation Drunken Idiot or: Only the Wrong Survive

The shit gets real for Ralph when the family dog breaks into the household laxative stash. Barry has a root canal. Sarah farts in yoga class. Mark confronts Gina. Beth loses her car keys while Sal explores the exciting world of circus side shows. Jeff learns the hard way that just because it has a vagina does not mean you must have sex with it. Tanya begins marketing her very own line of gourmet enemas where she receives better than expected success along with an Emmy nomination.

DLC-165

Showdown at Tuatt Liquors or: Every man has his breaking point

Lucas makes a volcano for 3rd grade science class. Problem is that Lucas is 28 years old. Unfortunately, the uranium that he uses becomes unstable and 3 city blocks have to be evacuated. Howard opens a hot dog stand and Sally gets food poisoning. Joyce visits her grandparents in Michigan and finds love on the way. Lester moves out of his mother's basement - again. Owen gets a rash in a not so nice place. Ben has a sinus infection that quickly becomes bronchitis. He is amazed by the vivd colors of the phlegm that he produces and sets up a Facebook page to document the progress.

DLC-166

Even the Blind Yeti Sometimes gets the Human or: Sponge Bath Anyone?

This incredible story rages on as William begins to explore synthetics. He quickly realizes that he's allergic to latex. Gordon gets a facelift and tries to use an expired coupon for the discount. It doesn't turn out well for both him and his neophyte doctor. Rebecca joins a country club. Ann dives deep into her own fantasy world where baby seals club people. She is seriously injured by a baby seal with a club. Steve makes up for lost time by hanging out at truck stops where he learns that the employees don't always wash their hands after using the bathroom. Andy wrecks his third car - in two weeks - but makes up for it by dating a one-legged stripper.

Make sure to stay tuned as these episodes appear on my website within the next couple of weeks!!!

Not Ready for Asian Buffet

2012-01-19T11:24:00.000-05:00

It seems the tables have turned, but the meat's still frozen.

More to come.

Freak of Nature

2008-08-06T18:46:00.005-04:00

So there's this little animal that lives in my front yard. She has 2 tails. And though I don't remember dumping any radioactive waste on that part of the lawn, something could have fallen from space. I mean, the cats have been acting weird lately.

But, more than likely, this little female brown anole just had an injury to her tail. And though her tail was broken, it didn't completely fall off. But, another one grew out while the original one healed. Or else she's a demon spawn sent from hell to take over the earth. Fortunately, she didn't bite me.

M

Noise vs. Music

2008-05-22T11:20:00.006-04:00

So I got this comment on one of my YouTube videos "Laptop Reaktor Glitch" saying that I should have spent my time actually learning an instrument rather than messing with noise.

But, I did start with an instrument. Guitar. Back in 1983, I got a guitar and started learning to play the instrument. Then bass, and synthesizer followed. I was manic with the guitar, obsessively playing whenever I could. I even got pretty decent on the thing.

As I was going on, I noticed that I also liked to mess with sound. I did that mostly on a Roland SH-101 that I wish I still had. I spent hours on end tweaking knobs and coming up with whatever that synth would spit out. Noise? Probably.

Fast forward over 20 years to today. I look at what I'm doing as just another expression of music. Not to discount any genre that I like or dislike. It doesn't matter. I still have a great time messing with sound. I've even made a business of it. It can't be all that bad.

So, I encourage all you out there to experiment and have fun. It doesn't matter if you get "hate mail" or "love mail" or more than likely, both. As far as the comment poster goes, I figured that he/she was actually complimenting me in some fashion. So, thanks, dude!

M

F7 Goes Hi-Def!

2008-01-03T15:03:00.001-05:00

And it's about time. OK, I'd been working with high resolution audio (that is audio above the level of CD-Quality) since 1998. So, why not, 10 years later, start shooting hi-def video (not that I've been in a rush or anything)?

I've been shooting video with the Canon HV20 camcorder for a couple of weeks now. The video quality is amazing! And it kills my previous favorite camcorder the Canon Elura100 MiniDV. No contest! The picture is a shrunken version of a video still from the HV20.

Editing HD is a chore on my 2.5 year old Powerbook G4 (a great laptop), but well underpowered for today's HD. I've crashed iMovie I don't know how many times - and more to come since a new computer is not in my immediate future. Though when it does come, it will be an Apple, of course!

So, the majority of my upcoming online short films will be originally shot on HD - and may be released that way on line too. I've got to run to the post office. Talk with you again soon!

M

Mike's Home Movies

2007-11-21T15:22:00.000-05:00

You thought I was asleep. Not the case. I've been going through tape after tape of video that I've shot over the past 6 years. Not only did I go through it, I made some edits too. OK, lots of edits.

So, these video clips are under the name "Mike's Home Movies". Have a look:

Mike's Home Movie #1

Mike's Home Movie #2

Mike's Home Movie #3

And more to come....

Enjoy your turkey!

M

Not-So Fresh Feeling

2007-10-30T14:40:00.000-04:00

(Did I use this title before?)

It could be like the "druthers" or kind of a sloth-like emotion. But when I think about it, maybe it's that we've had several cloudy and windy days. That, and my lizard can't get much "outdoor" time since the temps are around 80 with clouds (she's the desert type that likes it "Africa" hot).

I did think of a kind of funny thing, though. How about replacing the word "computer" with the word "vagina"? It sounds stupid at first, but lets think about it....

"I'll have to check my vagina to see if I'm available that afternoon."

"My vagina's running a little hot. Is it supposed to be this hot?"

"Damn, my vagina's got that virus that's going around."

"For Christmas, I'd like a new vagina."

"The whole problem started with a vagina error."

OK, now it's no longer funny to me, either. But, for a few seconds there, I thought it was great. And just so the ladies out there don't get too pissed at me, I actually used "penis" as the replacement word (equal opportunity and all). "Penis" wasn't funny at all. Which proves, once again, that "vagina" is more funny.

I'm looking forward to October being OVER!

M

Get My CDs FAST!

2007-10-11T10:02:00.000-04:00

After plenty of hard work creating quality mp3 versions of my CDs and finding a decent place to sell them online....

You can now purchase downloadable versions of several of my CD titles from my LuLu.com storefront.

This is the way to go - downloadable music, of course, but I haven't really been too happy with the sound quality of most mp3s. And since they're being paid for, they should at least sound good, right? Well, mine do. I went right to the master audio file (the same file that I burned the master CDs from) and converted that directly to a high-quality mp3. Oh, and they cost less than the CD version, since there's no physical product and no shipping.

M

U S of KKK?

2007-09-21T10:17:00.000-04:00

Apparently, as of last year, we were still living in an era where a black student has to ask permission from a principal to sit under a shade tree with white students. Damn that tree! Oh, the tree's been cut down, so that we don't have to worry about nooses and fights and all that ever again. What's wrong with my first sentence? Read it again... "Apparently, as of last year, we were still living in an era where a black student has to ask permission from a principal to sit under a shade tree with white students." We as "The Greatest Nation in the World" need to do something to correct this.

OK, and in another twist of fate, the Hillsborough County Commission voted not to fund cable public access. Has the world ended? Not at all. You want free speech? You got it. All those program producers, no matter what your message, need to go from local cable to the wonderful internet. Maybe some have already. But, if they were effectively making use of the internet, I think they'd be ditching their public access slots and not be concerned about funding. Cable is so... 20th Century... where on local public access, you might have 12 viewers (if you're lucky). Your show airs at its scheduled time and then, hopefully is replayed some time later - whenever or whatever.

21st Century public access is the internet. Those same producers could have thousands (or more) viewers - on demand - just about anywhere! Imagine reaching a world wide audience at a cost of just about nothing? Local public access can't even come close.

The only advantage that public access has is the tangible equipment and studio that are offered to producers. But, today, that only goes so far. Those local show producers who'll be losing public access should easily be able to scrape up a cheap web cam and hook up with a computer (even if it means borrowing some time on someone elses). But, I imagine that most producers will be able to get ahold of better gear. And, with outlets like Google Video and YouTube (and literally hundreds more), getting "airtime" is a piece of cake.

I'm all for a withdrawal of funds to public access. Our tax money can be better spent elsewhere. Meantime, I've got work to do on my own "channels".

M

My Fellow Interneticans....

2007-09-17T10:22:00.000-04:00

And what a wonderful Monday it is! The grass is green, the ivy is poison, and the sky is a nice blue-ish grey. And so another week begins.

I realize that there is no possible way that I can conjure up a single care in the whole "50 Cent vs. Kanye West" thing. This says a lot about me. Now, "Dungbeetle vs. Molecricket"... is more my speed. But then, there's a reason why my neighbors think I'm crazy. OK, there are many reasons why the neighbors think I'm crazy.

Nothing says "I love you" like a phone call from New Delhi where the person on that end wants to confirm or update my business information. This means that they have also created for me a website that I can try for 30 days for free, then cancel if I don't like it. Rather than try to explain my way out of getting opted in, I've learned that it's just better to hang up on them. This is the 21st Century and manners have to evolve along with the technology, of course.

And, even though we've had a pretty "sorry ass" rainy season this year, I may have recorded enough good thunder to release a "Thunderstorms 2007" CD. Yes, some people have asked me for one.

Then, nothing screams "MOTIVATION" like water leaking into your studio. See, electronics and water seldomly play well together. And, when you top that off with shoddy construction circa 1992, you end up with some serious decisions to make. And by serious, I'm not talking about whether I buy the new 50 Cent or Kanye CD.

For lunch today, macaroni and cheese mixed with that special Chinese super hot chili sauce that probably contains mercury and trace amounts of plutonium. At least there's no MSG. God, I love Asian cooking.

So, with that, I'll be getting back to, whatever it is that I do.

M

Tropical Storm - Frogs - Microphone Humping!

2007-06-03T14:11:00.001-04:00

Tropical Storm Barry couldn't have come at a better time. Tampa's been bone dry for months and we were fortunate to have about 18 straight hours of rain. Well, that woke up every frog in the area. My backyard became alive with the sound of horny frogs.

So, I grab the recording rig. Thousands of frogs making little frogs! I was up at 4:30 this morning, outside, recording frogs. Nice stuff. Again, probably only about 5 people would think this is cool.

M

Bad "Me"

2006-12-07T10:47:00.000-05:00

I haven't updated this thing in a long while, but that doesn't mean that nothing's going on. In fact, the opposite is true. My websites are continuing to evolve and that's really where the "blog" is.

Hopefully, you'll be going there to check things out (see right side for links). It's all there. Everything.

Bye for now.

M

Difficult Listening Channel - 089

2006-08-15T10:33:00.000-04:00

New show is up, and yes, I skipped one on this blog which is why we go from 87 to 89. No, I have no problem with 88. In fact, that was a good year.

So, click the button above and get into some "Difficult Listening"!

M

Difficult Listening Channel - 087

2006-07-27T10:13:00.000-04:00

For those that have complained about a lack of new podcasts from me. Go ahead and press the button below.

Because nothing is more fun than some good old "Difficult Listening"! At least that's one person's opinion.

M

Remission!

2006-07-17T10:41:00.000-04:00

I'm back home from the latest run to Arkansas. Test results show that my father is in complete remission from multiple myeloma - no more cancer! Though cancer can return at any time, remission is a great state to be in, and the 2 year battle has been worth it. Here's to a very LONG remission!

We're not due back to Little Rock for some time, and I'll miss it. But, better to not need to go there.

I'm tired. Wiped out, more like it. The next couple of days will be getting my stuff back together. Hopefully that will include a new podcast by the end of the week. Web site updates are happening in between, so visit and have fun.

M

Constant - ly

2006-06-26T13:03:00.000-04:00

For those who crave content, and those who don't care. It's time for another dose.

Strange, surreal, and warped as it may seem, there are still more at the outset and less to behold. Building upon that as only the smallest of microbe can, would be a slight deviation from what was supposed to be. In this place. But, instead I have chosen, yet another mindless ramble. From the heart. Chaos will do that to you.

It started long ago as most things do. In a time when simple was simple and complex was even more so. The numbers did add up, but it wasn't what it looked like. Still, chances were that there would be more chances. And there were. Because it was made that way.

And you asked yourself, "Would you be the one who saved the turtle, or the one that drove past?" There is a difference. And that's what it's all about.

M

Difficult Listening Channel - 086

2006-06-22T15:21:00.000-04:00

New podcast just the way you like it!

Layers of Moog generated sonic sludge. It's thick, creamy and oh, so dreamy. Whatever works.

M

Long Time - No Blog

2006-06-01T13:41:00.000-04:00

Hey kids,

It's been a while. I've been deep into updating my websites. Real deep. Each page needs work - mostly at the "code" level which most people won't see. But it's been a long time coming. And, since my sites have well over 100 pages, I've had a lot of work to do.

I will be putting out new podcasts as soon as I can finish up my web work, so don't worry. There will be new "Difficult Listening Channel" episodes!

Back to work!

M

The Price to Keep Cool

2006-05-12T11:41:00.000-04:00

Well, kids, we left off yesterday with me melting in my own house. The A/C was down and my guess was a blown relay. Of course, yours truly was way wrong on this one. Try a trashed compressor. Now, audio geeks know that a compressor makes loud sounds softer and soft sounds louder (it reduces the dynamic range). But an A/C compressor is different.

Audio compressors can go for less than $100 and up into the thousands. Well, my A/C compressor is gonna set me back "just" $1200 (far less than say an Avalon, Manley, or SSL compressor). But, you can't make an audio compressor do A/C compression. It won't work. If there was a way, you know I'd try.

And of course, I'm gonna have to grease up my anus to prepare for the cost of repairs... but, I own a house (more like I have a mortgage on a house that I've lived in for the last 10 years) and I have to pay for the occasional repairs. These things happen.

I was on "cat shit box detail" last night and I can report to you that the kitties were quite productive. Sometimes they have "light" days, but they must have known that I was on "detail" so they gave their all! I love cats, cuz they love humans. Fun.

OK, back to my noise.

M

Hot!

2006-05-11T10:19:00.000-04:00

Long time, no blog. Sorry, but you know that if I'm not spewing up useless data here, then it's going to be on my other web sites.

My latest "work", yeh right. My latest "project" is called 16 bit Fetus. Why? Because what the world needs more of is computer generated noise bands. You know it. I know it. And those people, they also know it. Besides what better use of MySpace is there? 16 bit Fetus is still a work in progress. There is some stuff up there to listen to, but lots more will be on the way.

Meantime... it's fucking hot! The A/C went out yesterday afternoon and the inside temp hit 90. Perfect timing as I was all packed to head down to Bonita Springs with Cindy (she has a seminar there) for a couple of days. But, the whole A/C thing and the fact that we're getting these "light flickering" things every few minutes means that I had to stay home and get the house fixed - I get to pay for it too. So, Cindy is at the beach, in a cool hotel room (Hyatt). I, however stay home and get "cat shit box detail". That's right, yours truly gets to clean the cat box AND melt inside my own house. I'm so lucky!

You remember how I got out of "cat shit box detail" don't you? OK, I'll fill you in. It was waaaaaaaay back in 1997 when I got Cindy a kitten for her birthday. Well that kitten got the name "Stinky" for reasons that became apparent just after her first visit to the "shit box". OK, so I get the scooper and dig up Stinky's deposits and put them in the trash can. Cindy comes home from work and the first thing she smells are the contents of the trash can. I screwed that one up didn't I? My punishment: NO CAT SHIT BOX DETAIL FOR ME !!!!! Bad me. Right, lucky me. Cindy gets the "cat shit box detail" cuz she knows how to clean it up right. I miss out on all the shit and piss clumps, oh and those other mystery bits that make it into the box as well.

But, I'm home, so I've gotta clean the box. Fine.

Did I mention that it's hot as hell in here?

Other observations from me:

- just 3 weeks till hurricane season!
- those pesky love bugs are back
- I have to unpack from a trip I never took
- wild iguanas will bite you if you pick them up
- there's something I'm forgetting.

:-)

M

The Legend of Ma Noise

2006-05-02T11:12:00.000-04:00

As seen on my ReGurgiTron site, there's talk of a young woman having a noise band back in the 1930's.

Well, she has a Myspace page now, with a couple of tunes up and an active blog. Ma Noise is the name she goes by. Is this real, or urban legend. You be the judge.

I don't make this shit up. Wait, yes, in fact, I, do. But, that's what the internet is for, right? It's fun, entertaining, and informative.

Oh, big congrats to my baby sister Terri, who now has an MBA to go on top of her Law Degree. While I've been screwing around for the last 38 + years, someone in the family's been making something of themselves. Way to go, Terri!

BTW, forget it guys, she's married.

M

Difficult Listening Channel - 085

2006-04-26T14:52:00.000-04:00

It was supposed to be something else. It became this. But, you knew that already.

I dusted off the JP8000 for this podcast. Just the JP and an Mbox. Turn out the lights and grab your headphones - or grab the phones, then turn off the lights....

M

Iguanas Invade!

2006-04-26T11:54:00.000-04:00

Thousands of giant lizards are said to be "invading" a small island in Florida. Less than a 2 hour drive south from my home in Tampa, sits Gasparilla Island, and a community that has a problem: thousands of spiny tail iguanas.

These are no ordinary lizards (and I have video to prove it here. These are spiny tail iguanas, native to Mexico, but now on Gasparilla and nearby communities, as descendents of escaped or released pets. With no natural predators on the island, the iguana population has been growing unchecked and is estimated to be around 12,000 strong.

But now, some residents are taking matters into their own hands by trapping and killing the iguanas. It's true that these non-native iguanas are putting extreme pressure on the native species. But, should the iguanas be killed? And if they should be killed, then how? Pellet guns, traps and freezers have been a few reported methods, which in my opinion are inhumane.

What's the solution? Kill them? Relocate them? Leave them alone? Who pays for the solution? Good questions, huh?

Well, I had to see it for myself so my wife Cindy and I took the 100 mile journey from Tampa to Gasparilla Island. There are plenty of iguanas there. In the 4 hours we were on the island, we probably saw 50 of them sized from 10 inches to 4 feet. Yes, 4 feet. They were not aggressive at all, and moved away as I approached them. They're too fast to catch by hand (I tried several times). My guess is that the only time one of these iguanas would bite is if they were grabbed, so I don't see any dangers if the animals were left alone (I could say the same for the common squirrel that would put a serious bite on anyone who'd be stupid enough to grab one of them).

These iguanas do cause problems. They eat turtle and bird eggs, leave droppings all over the place, and burrow into the protective sand dunes. Plus, some people are scared of them.

I put a video of the trip, pictures and links to other news stories on the lizards on my LaptopNoise site here.

M

Difficult Listening Channel - 084

2006-04-17T13:03:00.000-04:00

How time does fly when you're listening to screwed up sounds! Well, here's some more:

You might think it's something else and you're probably right. But, nevertheless, it isn't. So there.

Just keep in mind that while you were asleep, I was editing a new soft synth within Reaktor. And, if you don't know what that is, don't worry. There will be a test later.

M

Difficult Listening Channel - 083

2006-04-15T14:20:00.000-04:00

It's time for another sonic train wreck. The kind that you, the listeners, love (or you wouldn't be tuning in - or downloading). Here goes:

From the time I was a fetus, I loved the sounds that could be picked up by a shortwave radio between the proper channels. Now, some 38 years later, I am creating new stuff based on my early listening experiences. Of course, I pepper those compositions with the sum of my life's journey thus far - the strange, beautiful, meaningless, and the least important. It keeps me from stealing hub caps.

So, that's why I do this and why it can't be stopped.

M

Reminds Me Of

2006-04-13T11:24:00.000-04:00

That place with those people. It reminded me of that. Way back when and only then. Not the other time.

Have you had the same or similar feeling? Sure, it's only natural.

I still think the word "clam" is funny.

If you've been waiting for more podcasts from me, you're in luck. More are on the way as I've had a good production week. So head on over to the Difficult Listening Channel as I'll soon have up Show 82b and Show 83. Think of it as an "Easter egg" that sounds really fucking weird.

Why do I make podcasts like this? Why not. I figured that I'd do something that's different from the other stuff out there. I figured that there might be a few people who'd enjoy listening to that kind of stuff. And it turns out that there are....

M

Difficult Listening Channel - 082a

2006-04-11T11:15:00.000-04:00

The latest installment of my sonic nightmare is online!

I pulled out my trusty Tascam Porta TWO cassette 4 track for this one. You folks remember the Porta TWO? I believe that thing cost around $600 when it was new in 1985. I picked one up on ebay about 2 years ago for $75.

Well, I slammed the cassette with 4 tracks of live audio manipulation from varied sources. Some on my laptop through delay pedals, some from bent instruments (speak and math, casio sk-1). The laptop stuff were my processed field recordings, old podcasts, and whatever I could grab. Those were recorded to single tracks while going through pedals and varispeed manipulation. Then, the tracks of sonic sludge were mixed to Pro Tools and mastered on my laptop.

Headphone listening is highly recommended.

This is show 82a, the "a" being part 1 of a 2 part podcast. So, part 2 will be up very soon.

M

ProtoPLASMA

2006-04-07T15:02:00.000-04:00

I'm listening to the beginnings of my next podcast Difficult Listening Channel - show 82 and it's pretty freakin' weird - so those daring enough will be rewarded. And the rest of you will be scared (or think I'm nuts, or both).

The show should be online by Monday afternoon. Hate to make you wait, but I don't have a lot of time to get the rest of the production done before then. Even though I'm retired, I still have lots to do. My father's 61st birthday is Sunday. I've got to teach a karate class on Saturday. And, there's the usual household stuff that needs to be done before then, so no time to do a show.

But since this is podcasting, there are no real deadlines. I can do 3 shows a week or 3 a month, or whatever. Besides, most of the archived shows are online anyway so there's plenty to grab before the new show.

It's free, so why pay more?

M

Fortune or Fortunate

2006-04-05T10:43:00.000-04:00

After a good night's sleep and a morning tonsil scraping, I am fully refreshed. A bit of muscle aches from Monday night karate remain, but I feel great nevertheless.

And so, came the next of my sub-brilliant ideas....

Those of you who suffer the trauma of participating in corporate meetings (and I've felt your pain), I have something which I think can help you. One of my websites LaptopNoise.com is going to have available on it soon some free mp3 files of - laptop noise - which you can download and play on your very own laptop during corporate meetings. The intention here is to provide a distraction or to mask the wind being belched from those ego bloated, overpaid executives that call themselves "your boss". They may get paid millions and have huge bonuses, and they might have graduated from an "Ivy League" college. But that doesn't mean that you have to listen to them.

Now, I (and my websites) can't be held responsible for any outcomes. In other words, you play these files at your own risk, and by playing the files you hold me and my websites harmless to any outcome. But, you can just say that your laptop was malfunctioning and then you apologize and excuse yourself.

Yeh.

M

Rattlesnake crossed my path!

2006-04-03T12:56:00.000-04:00

I was on a bike ride yesterday with my lovely wife Cindy, when a 3 foot eastern diamondback rattlesnake crossed our path! Fortunately, I had my video camera with me and got some nice footage of a beautiful snake!

I posted the video on my LaptopNoise.com website (as I'm running out of server space on my other sites) and you can view the video here. The video is an "m4v" which will play on video iPods and recent versions of Quicktime.

M

Crook

2006-04-02T14:26:00.000-04:00

To the person I've come to know as "Crook",

What you've taken has been but a minor inconvenience to me. However, because of the Nature of Money (where in a transaction there is always an equitable exchange), I am allowed something in return. What I get, is to be a part owner of your soul, because you, must give something when you take something.

So, as a part owner of your soul, here's how I now direct your soul:

In your crooked endeavors, where you attempt to acquire things (goods and services from others), and have no intention of an honest transaction, you will make grave mistakes. Mistakes that you will not see, but which will leave a trail right back to you. You will make mistakes that will lead to your capture by the authorities, where you will be tried and convicted, and forced to pay your debts back to society (with a reasonable interest added - of course). You debt will be paid in your money, your time, or both.

According to the Nature of Money, I have the rightful claim to the above. And, once your debts to society are paid in full, I will relinquish my part ownership of your soul.

M

Difficult Listening Channel - 081

2006-03-29T13:31:00.000-05:00

My latest podcast is up: DLC-081

I feel a little "glitchy" today. Whatever that means. Today, I'm inspired by the sounds of electronic shit breaking. So here goes....

And you thought it might have been another "Jesus Attacks!". That was DLC-080. But, don't worry, there will be more.

M

Oxygen could cause cancer

2006-03-28T11:35:00.000-05:00

In my recent research, I've found that everyone that has been diagnosed with any kind of cancer has at some time breathed in oxygen. I noticed something strange when my father was diagnosed with cancer back in 2004 AND he also had the nasty habit of breathing oxygen. Thus, my research began. Don't worry, none of your tax dollars were spent on this study. I'm going to hold my breath until I get the long term data results back.

Today is freakin' beautiful. It reminds me of a similar day when I was in college. I skipped class, and hit the pool at my apartment complex. The year? Between 1988 and 1990. It's a bit hazy as to exact dates and times, however, me at a pool with lots of sun, having no worries. You get the picture.

People are still very interested in farts - at least according to my web site statistics.

Also, my web site(s) will easily break the 400,000 hits barrier this month. Not the first time, but it should be a record setting well into the 400k + hits month. Visitors for the month of March will go into the 20k + range - some of who are interested in farts (according to stats).

I think the word "clam" is funny. Yes, referring to the mollusk. Not much to look at, but "clam" is funny to me. Tastes good in chowder too. "Squid" is not funny to me. Tasty, but not funny.

M

Difficult Listening Channel - 079

2006-03-22T16:30:00.000-05:00

My latest show is up: DLC-079

"A cross between a simple mistake and a complete audio train wreck. Fun abuse of sounds from my recent field recordings and studio antics. Headphones recommended."

It takes me about 2 days to create a single show. All the sounds are my field and studio recordings and the "music" or fragments of instrument and synth sounds are my creations too. So, I have a lot of recording to do, then sifting and editing and then putting things together for your amusement. Hope you enjoy!

Coming soon: "Adult Onset Baby Syndrome" and another episode of "Jesus Attacks!".

M

Fart to the top!

2006-03-20T11:05:00.000-05:00

Strange as it may seem, one of the most popular pages on my website has become the Record a Fart page. I've put up pages with information on how to record lots of different things. Field recording, microphone placement, ear training, all kinds of stuff. Yet, based on my site statistics, fart recording has become extremely popular, rocketing past other "older" pages. Who'd have thought that?

Now, I don't think this means that people everywhere are running around with microphones pointed at other people's asses, but you never know. I'm going to have to look further into this.

Thank you wonderful internet....

M

Insanity Loves Company

2006-03-19T14:09:00.000-05:00

Another 1000 mile drive under my belt. I'm back in Tampa. Time to get my shit back together. Not like I missed too much, just a week of karate (and of course Cindy). Everything else was operating pretty much as usual.

The "old man's" cancer numbers have dropped even further (to the point that it's barely measurable). That's the good news. The 'not so good' news is that his rebounding immune system looks like it's starting to reject his cornea in his right eye (which had been transplanted some 32 years ago). We'll find out soon.

I still haven't figured out what the spike in my podcast downloads came from. I'm glad that so many people have downloaded and hopefully listened to my shows. Plenty more to come - and soon.

I made a few recordings in Little Rock. Nothing great, just crowd ambiances and stuff like that. It'll be nice once I process and butcher the sounds.

Later,

M

The Nature of Money

2006-03-16T09:35:00.000-05:00

By its nature, money is nothing but an idea, a medium of exchange. And by its nature, there is always an exchange involved. You can use money to purchase goods and services. You can use money to buy ownership in corporations. You can give money away, but even then, there is an exchange. In return, you know that you have helped someone or helped a cause that you believe in. You get good feelings. You get an uplift in your spirit - and I'm not talking religion here. But when you've done something good, you take that with you and incorporate that into your being. Something is always exchanged when money changes hands.

But what if someone steals money? They take it. There's no exchange, right? Wrong. There is an exchange. The person or people doing the taking have to give something up. They may not realize it at the time, but they pay a price. They take something, money, goods, services, whatever item(s) of value, but by the nature of money, they must give something up in exchange, whether they know it or not.

So, what do they give up? They give up part of their souls. A part of their being is given in exchange for what they have taken. Now, the people who have been "taken from" may not realize this, but they actually become "part owners" of the soul of the "taker" because something must be given in exchange. It is the nature of money. There must be some exchange.

What does the "part owner of a soul" do with it? I don't know.

"These aren't the droids you're looking for"

M

Welcome to the ROCK!

2006-03-14T21:02:00.000-05:00

Another 1000 mile drive under my belt. Tampa to Little Rock. Brutal 2 days. Road food. Gas stations. Good times. My latest podcast episode was downloaded over 2200 times in the last 4 days. Nice.

I'm tired.

M

Back to Little Rock

2006-03-12T15:47:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's that time again - 4 month cancer tests. Drive Dad to LR, run him through a bunch of tests. Get the results and head home. 4 days driving, 3 days in LR. My goal is that he's still in "near complete" or complete remission.

Little Rock is beautiful this time of year. Everything's in bloom. I'll have my iRiver and external mics with me to do a little recording, and my digital camera. No guarantees on anything though. But, hopefully, some of the sounds I record will make it into my upcoming podcasts.

Wednesdays at noon the tornado sirens are tested. I'll try to grab that.

We'll have a safe trip. Stay tuned!

M

Internet Marketing Thoughts

2006-03-07T11:10:00.000-05:00

Seems like the "hot item" of the last few months has been the "automated web site" or "computer generated" web site. Where software programs will create a site (or many sites) for the purpose of generating Google Adsense revenue.

I've seen the results of some of those programs. Talk about noise! It looks like these pages are generated based on some kind of "keyword" or "niche" parameters. They become "link farms" and not much more. My guess is that these will work for a little while, kind of like how spamming the search engines with META tags worked in 1997. Ultimately, the search engines will adapt to these sites and drop them.

I still believe that the most important thing that any website can offer is unique, entertaining, informative, and frequently updated CONTENT. But, what the hell do I know?

I've had many requests to link to sites recently. The emails also seem to be generated by a program because they all say the same thing like "I've recently visited your site and I'm keen on a linking partnership". For kicks, I check their sites out. Most of the time, they're link farms - just a bunch or crap data that will only hurt search engine ranking in the long run. Even better, is when the requester states that "our sites are closely related and linking will benefit our visitors". Right. And a visit to a site like that shows that most of the time, there's no relation whatsoever between their site's subject matter and mine.

And if I don't respond in a "reasonable" amount of time, I get the "we had to deactivate your link because you didn't respond" email. So, I'm off the shit list, I guess.

Wake up folks if you think this is going to get you rich quick it probably won't. You might make a little money for a little while, but the people who create and manage search engines are smart. They'll adapt. Meantime all you're really doing is just adding to a bunch of useless noise already out there.

< /rant>

M

It's Pretty Hard to Beat

2006-03-05T17:37:00.000-05:00

How nice is it to throw an entire recording studio into a laptop sized bag, hit the road and edit just about anywhere? Not just nice, awesome.

Yesterday, I was editing music at my karate school. I've done work in hotel rooms, on my patio, in car dealerships. This is pretty much normal these days. But not so when I first started. My studio took up a living room in 1993 (see it here). Before that, there were huge digital machines and, of course, tape. No way to fit that in a bag.

I've always been into field recording, as visitors to my site know. Back in the early and mid 90's, I was out recording to DAT. A Panasonic SV-250 was my first machine. It worked, but I hated the preamps and went to externals just to get a decent recording. In 1998, I upgraded to an HHB PDR-1000 DAT which is a great machine, but DAT is limited to 16 bit recordings (at least in the field). 24 bit capable DAT didn't quite take off.

I'm very excited about some of the new solid state recorders. I've got an iRiver IFP 899 which is great considering its size and actually sounds better in some ways than my early DAT. OK, but we have better stuff available and some coming out soon. Enter the M-Audio MicroTrack 96, Edirol R-1, and higher priced units by Fostex, Sound Devices, and Tascam. To be able to make amazing recordings anywhere with a minimum amount of gear. That's heaven to me.

M

I Dreamed of ... Ticks!

2006-03-01T10:19:00.000-05:00

Not "chicks" (which I would have preferred), it was ticks. Those blood sucking insect creatures were on me. On my legs, my arms, my feet. I'd pull one off and there'd be another. Some were large (for a tick) and black. Others were smaller and kind of an opaque brown with a tortise shell look, like cheezy '70s glasses frames.

Don't try to peg me on the color schemes or that we're supposed to dream in black and white, because I can (and usually do) dream in distinct colors.

So, I'm spending my dream time de-ticking myself as I'm carrying on conversations with other people. Then, I notice that I happen to be the only one with tick issues. They're not sucking the life out of anyone else. But, I'm not in danger. It's just annoying. That ticks should choose only me from which to suck blood. I'd grab a tick and squeeze it till it popped. Then move on to the next tick and do the same thing.

Sometimes in my dreams, solutions are complicated. Like when I get really lost, forget where I am or when my teeth begin falling out as I'm talking. But this "tick" dream was different. Somehow, I found some insect repellent. Some really good shit, because once I sprayed all of my exposed skin, my tick problem was solved. Then all I had left to do was figure out where I was and how I could get back home....

The end... till I go to sleep and dream of large, jumping, mutant spiders!

M

Lies. All Lies!

2006-02-27T12:44:00.000-05:00

As the story goes, I competed in a karate tournament and took 3rd place in black belt forms. However, there were some misrepresentations that I feel must be corrected about the events that took place.

Fact: I did place 3rd.
Fiction: First place went to a drooling toddler who never left his stroller.
Fiction: Second place went to an 88 year old man who's ostomy bag exploded and showered its contents on the judges.
Fiction: 4th place went to a man with a broken leg and shattered ribs.
Fiction: 5th place went to a recently aborted fetus.
Fiction: 6th place went to a 3 week old road kill of questionable origin.

The things that end up on the internet.

M

Scrubbed

2006-02-22T12:44:00.000-05:00

We had to scrub the mission. Technical issues at the last minute. Technical issues though not Casio related. Things were not within operational parameters. I regret that we had to scrub, but too much was at stake. Strange weekend.

Alive with sound, that's how I'd have to describe our destination. Nobody else probably even noticed. But it affected me. I've got to remember to bring my recorder with me everywhere I go. There's too much sound out there that I've missed already.

And with that, I'll leave you for today....

M

Time. This Time

2006-02-16T11:20:00.000-05:00

When I was much younger, I had a lot more of it. I just didn't realize it and I didn't appreciate it. So, now that I do, what do I do with the rest of it? One of the things I do is to try to get those younger than me to not make the same or similar mistakes that I've made. But, hey, they're young, and they don't listen (just like me at their age). But, give me an "A" for effort, OK? "B+" then.

Good.

My perspective of things has changed. The last 2 years have had a huge impact on me, with my father going through cancer treatment and all. Things certainly look different when you spend months in a room of hairless people who's bodies are being pumped full of poison. The poison which is made to kill something even worse in them. What was important to them surely has changed. They are brave, scared, uncertain of their remaining time, and human. They are our fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, children, friends. They are us. Fighting for their lives. So, of course, my perspective has changed. How could it not?

And, why am I dragging my wife down to Miami for a day so that I can stand up in front of a crowd of unruly strangers and "entertain" them with the sounds of brutal noise for a mere 10 minutes? I guess because I should have been doing that 20 years ago. I mean I did play out back then, but I didn't do anything "risky" and certainly not noise. Getting on stage is "risky" by itself, but to get up on stage by yourself and belt out the loudest, most intense, ear bleeding noise? That's a different story. Besides, one person's favorite music is another person's noise. So what the hell....

If you want to hear what it's going to sound like, I recorded a studio practice session where I'm using the same setup, a circuit bent Casio keyboard and a single delay pedal. It's 10 minutes of hideous, intense, beautiful noise. You can here it on my ReGurgiTron site. Look for the latest podcast and click on the mp3. Beware, it's loud.

Some build a world of excuses. Some build lies. Some build barriers. Some build empires.

What? I don't know. The valentine's day candy sugar rush has kicked in.

Until next time.

M

Love Day

2006-02-14T14:16:00.000-05:00

It is officially 'love day', and my wife and I exchanged cards and candy.

Noise show Friday in Miami - International Noise Conference!

I've been practicing - wailing on my Casio - preparing for a quick set. I've lashed a Boss delay pedal to my guitar strap (I'm slinging this keyboard like a guitar) so I've got the bent synth going into one pedal and then out to the amp/PA, whatever. I have no idea what to expect and with my wife on camcorder, I can't promise beautiful video, but hopefully, I'll have something to show you online.

My latest 'how to' is online. I put a page up on how to properly record a fart which may seem stupid. But, we sometimes are asked to record strange things. And there are some considerations to make when documenting a human gas discharge - such as where to best put the microphone....

Don't say I didn't warn you.

M

Dude Made A Record

2006-02-02T11:39:00.000-05:00

Dude hit the big time. Wrote songs about how he made it. Wrote songs about fast cars, expensive clothes, endless flowing drinks and parties non-stop. Dude had hit the big time alright. My Grandfather used to refer to people like Dude as a "big shot".

But is Dude smart? Yeh, he made a record. But is he smart? Will he still be a big shot in 20 years after his fans have forgotten about him and the record executives, who a generation ago enthusiastically peddled his wares, have long since not given a shit about him? Is Dude really smart? Uh.... Dude, are you smart?

M

That Was Yesterday

2006-01-31T13:51:00.000-05:00

Whatever goals you didn't quite hit.
Whenever you were afraid to act.

When you did act, but it was unfortunately "like an idiot".
When you made the call, but were completely wrong.
When the opportunity was so obvious, you figured there would always be others.

Where the truth was, but you didn't see it.
Where your intentions were good, though the outcome was not.

Experience. A reflection of me. Still here. Vertical, and with a slight hint of wisdom. Go figure.

I blinked and years had passed.

M

So What?

2006-01-25T13:41:00.000-05:00

Are the important things really that important? And when I say "things" does that mean all things?

Is it time for yet another rant? No.
Good. Cuz, I'm not in the mood for a rant.

One thing that is important is that of a measurable result. And I had one of those where I hit the same result last month, but I did it this month on the 25th - today. Cool. What does that mean? Well, I won't go into "trade secrets" but I will say that it's a good sign. It means that my efforts have resulted in something that is measurable and that the same measurement took all of last month to get to that measurement whereas, I hit that as of the 25th of this month - with 6 days to go. Good. Nap time!

M

Piss Off The People

2006-01-23T13:11:00.000-05:00

You can piss off some of the people all of the time.
You can piss off all of the people some of the time.
But you can't piss off all of the people all of the time.

I've tried. I'm still trying. Why? Just a hobby I guess.

In the meantime, there's still a meantime. Time to be mean. Or mean to be time. You guessed it.

M

The Genital Effect

2006-01-20T13:21:00.000-05:00

It's a known fact that whenever the genitals become a factor in something, then stupidity will surely rule. This is human nature. Thus, someone who does something really stupid probably was "thinking with their dick" instead of their.... Well, you get the point.

Seems kind of one-sided that I say "thinking with their dick" but, you can substitute "clit" for "dick" and then both sides are covered.

It's a quiet Friday and my retirement continues in a normal fashion. That is, I'm making plenty of adjustments to my websites. My efforts are being slowly rewarded as I've noted an uptick in my stats. Good. This is all going according to my Master Plan.

So, the moral of this entry, if there is a moral, is: where ever illogic and non-reason thrive, there's probably a set of genitals nearby....

M

Money Doesn't Call In Sick.

2006-01-16T10:37:00.000-05:00

It's true, money doesn't call in sick. It doesn't get injured on the job. It doesn't steal from you. It doesn't have sex with your other employees. Money doesn't smoke crack. Money doesn't complain that you don't pay it enough. Money is simply "money".

= = = = =

Now, you've been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for me to give you my secret to making $0.32 in 8 weeks. Well, without going into yet more sales pitch, I'll tell you a story....

Gleaming in the morning sun, there it was, a penny. I reached down and picked up my new treasure. 2 days later, different parking lot, another penny! Wow, I've just doubled my treasures! I can't believe this. Next day, different city, a nickel! Holy shit! I'm up $0.07. Unreal, right? No. This is a true story. I could go on, but you get the picture.

Now that you've picked yourself up off the floor, I'll tell you about my latest website LaptopNoise.com. LaptopNoise.com will focus on laptop noise making; software, hardware, music, artists, and nonsense. You'll love it.

M

I Made $0.32 in Just 8 Weeks!

2006-01-10T12:02:00.000-05:00

I know you don't believe me, but it's true. $0.32 in 8 weeks is $0.04 each and every week.

But, before I give you my secret to achieving such amazing revenues, I've got to hit you with my sales pitch. Here goes:

Dear Friend,

How would you like to make $0.32 in just 8 weeks? I know, it sounds like it's impossible, but I did and so can you. It's easy if you follow my revolutionary system. With it, I show you how in just a few easy steps! Interested? Well, I knew you would be.

You might be thinking, "there's no way I can make that kind of money". But you can. It's so easy and you don't need any special skills or education to do it.

So what's my secret? Easy there, I'll get to it. But first, you must suffer through some more of my pitch.

What would you do with an extra $0.04 every week? Now, I'm not saying that you're guaranteed to make that kind of money, but I did, and who knows you might be able to make even more. How? Not yet. First, think about what you'd do with an extra $0.04 each and every week. Would you buy a bigger house? A new Porsche? Travel the world? I know, it's almost overwhelming isn't it.

OK, get off my ass, I'm not ready to give you my secrets just yet. You need some more sales pitch.

Now, picture yourself with a revenue stream of $0.04 each week. Amazing, huh? Can't you picture yourself living in the lap of luxury? Yes, I knew you could! And it's so easy using my revolutionary system. What? You can't wait to get started, right? I knew it. And that's why I need to hit you with some more of my pitch.

See, there are other systems out there that claim to have similar results to mine and I've tried them all. But, nothing and I mean nothing even came close. And if you follow my system you'll be saved from wasting your time with those other systems like I did. Yes, you deserve to have the revenues that my system generates and I know that $0.04 a week seems like it's excessive, but I promise you results if you follow my easy, simple system to amazing riches.

So what is my system? Well, you'll have to wait till my next entry....

M

Edison Failed - 10,000 Times!

2006-01-05T10:46:00.000-05:00

It's said that the great inventor Thomas Edison failed some 10,000 times before he created a working light bulb. True or not, I don't know, but it brings up something interesting. First, I don't like the word "fail". I prefer something like "not the outcome I had anticipated" which is open ended and leaves an opportunity to make for an "anticipated outcome".

But, given that Edison "failed" 10,000 times, I figured I'd look back at some of my own inventions and their "non-anticipated outcomes":

1) Roach Control Interface Unit - intended to place ordinary cockroaches under human control; infinite possible uses.

Outcome - even though I meticulously stripped the unit down to its most basic components, the control device, which was strapped directly to the roach, weighed slightly over a pound and I could not find a single roach who could maneuver under such conditions. One of the probes which provided lateral control signals to the insect had to be inserted into the roaches anus causing intense pain which reduced the ability to control the insect as the neural structure of the roach was overloaded with "pain messages". The unit caught fire 22 seconds into its first test, killing the roach and destroying the prototype beyond repair. Roach activists have been hounding me ever since.

2) Mushroom Accelerator - intended to accelerate a common mushroom to speeds beyond that which a mushroom would be able to achieve on its own; unknown possible uses, but limitless potential.

Outcome - Mushroom did not accelerate, instead it began to exhibit extreme behaviors which were comparable to the demonic possession of a human. Mushroom desired hot women and pornography. Said mushroom had to be destroyed 1 min 41 seconds into its acceleration by means of a 12 gauge shotgun. Blast resulted in the complete destruction of the mushroom. The Mushroom Accelerator was heavily damaged by the blast as well and by a small fire triggered from the heat of its internal, damaged components. Mushroom activists have been hounding me ever since.

These are just a couple of my more recent "non-anticipated outcomes". I continue my experiments here.

And the town fool stares on in utter amazement, deep in his brain ideas of monumental creations begin to take shape.

M

Seek. Just One Brief Moment. What?

2006-01-03T11:14:00.000-05:00

It was a mere glimpse. I tasted tropical Hawaiian Punch just like I had in grade school. This lasted a half second or so and was for no apparent reason.

No, I wasn't dreaming, though I wish I was. No I wasn't smoking anything either, cuz, I don't.

There will come a point of critical mass. I'm not there yet, but I can smell it in the air. The building blocks are being placed. The wires connected, the structure modeled. A large stretch of canvas holds back the erosion. Looks good, but you should see it from 35,000 feet. Not that I would since I hate to fly.

What a little bastard I must have been when I liked to fly. Back in the 70's my younger sister and I would accompany our Mom (or Mum as our UK friends might say) on flights to Charleston to visit my Grandparents. Like most kids, I was a pain in the ass and probably pissed off the nearby passengers who just wanted the flight to end. I'm sure that my antics benefited the airline, however, as vodka sales rose substantially whenever my 5 year old self boarded an aircraft. How could airlines go bankrupt as they were selling those mini bottles of booze faster than a 727 circa 1973 could burn its fuel?

Back then, they allowed smoking on commercial aircraft. You could tell where, because they had clearly marked signs over the smoking section. If I ever get lung cancer, I'll know where the seeds of it were planted: 1973 somewhere over Georgia as the mist from the smoking section blows to our part of the cabin. Can't roll down the window can we? Nice thinking.

Jets are loud. My younger self liked that. My older self does too. I fondly remember this past September recording aircraft as they approached the TIA runway for their landings. They were just a couple of hundred feet straight above me. I wrote about it in an earlier blog entry but I'm too lazy to link to it. You get the picture though. Big jets, small me standing under them with a microphone and digital recorder....

M

Status Fold New Indent

2006-01-02T12:13:00.000-05:00

The roots dig a bit deeper and it's reminded me of the fly who lands on a sun drenched leaf. The heat from the sun warms the insect and lulls it into a sleep. But should the fly sleep when it has such a short life span to live? Is it really sleeping or is it waiting for an unsuspecting human to come along? Time will tell, but the fly is short on it.

This is key to my science project. Not that I need a science project at my age. The question went something like, "which seeds would sprout faster, the ones soaked in acid or the ones placed in molten lead?" I sit waiting for the answer. The entire world waits for the answer. These things are important and governments should devote plenty of resources to finding the answer.

If you were with me last week, you'll remember. And if you weren't then you have no idea what I'm talking about. Actually those with me last week have no idea either (my fault), so I'll move on.

It was dramatic and the town fool looked upon it in awe. This could be a nightmare but to him, it felt all too real. The sweat from his brow fell into his sundae as he gazed. Who could have done such a thing? To think in terms like this? It's not imaginable. Now, just because his "time folding" experiments had been proven wrong by his 6 year old nephew doesn't mean that he has to take it out on us.

Perhaps.

More on the story behind my CDs even though it has little to do with this entry. Or, in some special secret way it might because reading between the lines has taught me so much in such a short time frame.

M

Future, huh?

2006-01-01T14:40:00.000-05:00

Looking to the future are we? Well, not too far I hope. Just don't stand in the muck for too long because it will begin to fester and stink. That's what muck does. It's how it earns its keep.

Something's in the air. 2006, lots is in the air. At least we have air - and hair.

Right. You might have thought that my first blog entry for '06 would be monumental. You thought wrong, of course. You gave me far too much credit. But, I'm damn glad to be here. Better than being elsewhere.

Remember, ReGurgiTron is playing February 17th at the International Noise Conference in Miami. Sounds like a big deal, huh? I really don't know, cuz it's in the future and I haven't been there yet.

M

In Times of Time

2005-12-29T06:55:00.000-05:00

It was going to be one of those days. It had to. That's just the way these things happen. Maybe it was the smell. Or the taste. Nevertheless, you're just supposed to ride these things out.

Then, like a subtle jolt from a half-dead nine volt battery, it hit. I had to pick myself up from the floor because the taste of it was so unnatural. Like fish, mixed with a touch of molten chicken. Kitten. No, chicken. Fried in old batter. Because that's the way these things are made. And, if you ask me (which I'm guessing that you didn't), it's really a shame.

Because chickens this nice don't deserve to taste like kittens. Nature intended chicken to taste like chicken and kitten to taste like kitten. Then artificial flavors came along and we all got screwed. Ride it out, that's what we do.

And there was an empire of noise. Built from the ground up and with its infrastructure which was developed by several sane men and the town's fool. Never before was such a project attempted. It was grand to say the least. Towering over the lesser empires for which the town fool never was a consultant for. The moral of the story is....

Never eat chicken that tastes like kitten. Kittens are cute and cuddly, but they make a mess. Chickens are better left fried, or grilled.

You know exactly what I mean.

M

h3n Y(hfl Â§Â¢? ) - H

2005-12-26T15:31:00.000-05:00

At least Christmas is over. Now, I can coast for a while. Saw "Badder Santa" last night. How appropriate - but kind of lame ending.

Revamping my website as usual. New content coming online and a "sharpening" of the older stuff.

Karate tonight.

I need a couple of days off from this whole "Christmas" thing. You know the old saying " 3Â§Â¢ohj iH iY90 (Y]: h}|{Âg65 Â¶Âª" right?

M

Retired At Age 38!

2005-12-22T13:47:00.000-05:00

Many years ago, I wrote down one of my goals: to retire by age 38. 2 days ago, I found that piece of paper. Talk about being pressed for time (my 38th birthday is December 23rd)! What do I do? I want to reach my goal, but....

Then it hit me: just retire! So here I am. As of 12:01 am on December 23, 2005 I will retire. Damn, that's a relief.

And then what? Well, I'm retired, not dead. I've got a lot of things to take care of. My website will still be going strong. I'll keep it updated and be adding lots of new content. I'll still be selling and shipping my CDs - and creating new ones. I'll still be doing the "noise band" thing as ReGurgiTron. And who knows what ideas that have been festering in my mind will come to life now that I am retired? Fun, huh?

Lots to come in 2006 and beyond, now that I am retired!

M

I Won the Lottery

2005-12-21T14:14:00.000-05:00

Again. Seems like my luck is so great that I'm winning the lottery at least twice and sometimes 4 times a week. And my luck is so great that I'm winning lotteries that I have no memory of entering. How's that possible? It's because I'm having a run of great luck that's why. I've won the British lottery, the Netherlands lottery, and several other European lotteries so many times, that I don't know what to do with all the money. That's a nice problem to have isn't it?

The problem is that I have all of these barristers from Nigeria who are wanting to give me even more money if I would just help them to move some money. But, they don't understand that with all my lottery winnings, I'm having more money problems than I can handle. Sure, I'd like to help all of the Nigerian barristers, but I just don't have the time. It's taking so much of my attention - finding a place for all of my lottery winnings - how can I take on even the burden of just one Nigerian barrister and his $12.1 Million US Dollars?

And you think you have problems?

M

Hack Up A Lung!

2005-12-20T11:25:00.000-05:00

That very minor cold I had last week decided to come back. This time it's in my chest. You can't put a price on phlegm, that's for sure!

With just 3 shopping days till my birthday (you haven't forgotten, have you), I've been reflecting on many things. While 38 might seem old to some, especially to those younger than 38, most people don't even begin to hit their strides till they reach 40. That's certainly the case with me. And, since I'm still "vertical", I'm looking forward to a long stride! I used to put way too much pressure on myself back in the "day". Now, I'm pretty laid back, but still "vertical". That's important.

So, hacking up a lung is just a part of life. A greenish part, but a part nevertheless. And, those around me will appreciate that I'll be speaking a little less till this "lung" thing passes.

M

That Not So Fresh Feeling

2005-12-13T20:07:00.000-05:00

If you're looking for a true nugget of wisdom, well... let's just say that it's somewhere else. Shameful really. As I'm 10 days from my 38th birthday, you'd think I'd have something more useful to contribute. 200 years ago, 38 was old, wise, and maybe dead. Yet I'm still vertical. Thankfully.

But, no. It's ReGurgiTron. That's the best I could do? Who's asking? No. Really. Who's asking?

So I'm standing outside when this piece of a Russian satellite comes crashing down in front of me. Friction from the atmosphere has reduced this once pristine piece of alloy to a pea-sized molten glob that has a few barely legible characters on it. Too hot to pick up, but it's definitely Russian. Why can't they keep their damn satellites up like the rest of us?

Environmental disaster waiting to happen. Fortunately it's not in my yard.

A bird tweets. A radial saw buzzes. Wind rustles the leaves. It's calm for another moment. It's calm for just a moment.

M

No Brains Needed

2005-12-10T15:44:00.000-05:00

I saw that a pirate radio station in Tampa was busted. Why? Why bother having a pirate radio station when you could have the internet? The internet, where we are now able to spew forth our own propaganda at light speed. Able to reach across this planet and back in the blink of an eye. Where billions become our potential listeners instead of just thousands. The internet. Where you can scream with or without profanity at the top of your lungs at 3am. The internet. Where the FCC has no regulations. I don't get it. Maybe they were in it for the chicks.

It's that kind of day. And I don't get many of those. Things are quiet now. For an hour or so at least. And I realize that my thinking is flawed. But, I have the advantage of knowing that. Less than 2 weeks from my 38th birthday.

The cat just vomited. They eat anything. And they sometimes puke it up. I'll save it for the wife to see.

:-)

M

Quick Thought

2005-11-29T15:56:00.000-05:00

Record companies had people paying 15 bucks for a CD that had 3 or 4 good songs (out of say 12) on it. They should have been more consistent and had every song suck on the CD.

M

Blank

2005-11-21T12:42:00.000-05:00

To stand in their shoes will prove to you that their shoes suck too. Might not fit either so beware that the grass might not be so green when you step on it.

So today I feel a little aimless. What of it? Nothing I suppose.

I was standing there as if it was yesterday, but it was today and in the not so completely fictional "now". I was asked to perform a task set before me back in 1998. Times are different now. I'm stronger, slightly more mature. And I have a few (more) grey hairs. I was looking forward to such a task, when in fact I was awakened. Damn those "time travel dreams" again. Not my fault, I suppose. It seemed that, just for a second, to shovel toxic waste was not such a bad idea.

My thought was that if you want to beat them, you must become them. Mingle with them. Know them. Move within their circles. Be accepted as one of them. But your agenda is different from theirs? Yes, and no. Is it just survival? Maybe. Then again, it could be more like theirs than you ever knew. Is that the rage that you feel? Does it sound like static? Does it even have a sound? Should you reject it completely?

Macaroni and cheese on the menu for my lunch today. And that's not fiction.

M

Bug!!!

2005-11-16T14:25:00.000-05:00

I feel like I have a "stomach bug". Just nasty. Spent most of the day experimenting in the studio. Nice results. But I feel like shit. New podcasts should be up tomorrow.

M

Noise and Feedback Loop Experiments

2005-11-14T15:00:00.000-05:00

As many of you (who've been reading this blog and visiting my websites) know, I've been doing a lot of experimenting with audio. More than my usual. I've been messing with feedback loops some and I'd forgotten how much fun they are.

Case in point: Loop several pedals in series - delays, filters, distortions, in the "external in" of a Moog Voyager. Send out of Voyager to in of pedal series. Pedal series out to Voyager "external in". Bring up volumes of oscillators and external. Tweak knobs. Tweak more. And, yet, more. Insane, and pretty useful. At least I think. I got lost in this over an hour last Friday. Luckily, I had a CD recording of what I did. Nice!

(You can hear an example in my latest ReGurgiTron podcast (11/14) at www.regurgitron.com)

I'm beginning to look at my effects pedals more like a modular synthesizer (minus the control voltage) than just as guitar effects. Changing the series order of them, and/or changing the loop position of them does wonders. It's been enlightening - and loud!

M

PS: why does the spell check on this blog not recognize the word "blog"?

Home

2005-11-11T12:39:00.000-05:00

Got back in Tampa last evening. I'm exhausted and in need of a recharge. Probably do nothing today and tomorrow. My studio's a mess. I haven't even unpacked from my show on the 25th. So, now I have that mess plus the stuff I took w/me to Little Rock.

Not due to be out of town for a few months. Good. I'm tired of traveling.

M

Tuesday. Said I.

2005-11-08T17:18:00.000-05:00

Tuesday in LR. Not a lot of time to mess around. I did hit a small record shop called Anthro-Pop. That's a place I could spend a full day in. Tons of old vinyl. Plenty of genres of music. The owner, Rod Bryan, was very nice and wanted to play me a ton of stuff. My problem was that I had about 5 minutes. Bummer.

Next time I'm in LR, I'll pop in.

Is it true? Someone called my house to book ReGurgiTron for a gig? Fuck yeh! I'll make more noise. Details soon.

Tomorrow: early am meet w/Dr. and get the old man's test results and plan for the next phase of treatment. Then head for home. Spend the night near Birmingham, Alabama.

I just got sort of used to being in Little Rock. The leaves are changing, the nights are cool, the people are nice.... Well, back to Florida, but I'm looking forward to it. I miss the Earth, I miss my wife. I miss my Casio!

M

Like Having a 60 Year Old Kid

2005-11-07T17:09:00.000-05:00

Monday. Brutal medical testing all day. The bone marrow biopsy was pretty tame compared to the more recent ones. Or, I've become desensitized. Blood, gore, noise? Whatever. Hopefully we'll have a good dinner. Tomorrow's an 'off' day which means, I have no idea. No tests scheduled. But who knows what the old man will want to do? Watching out for him is like a full-time job. Really, like having a 60 year old kid.

I know first hand the feeling of when the kids take care of the parents. I just thought it would happen to me a little later in life. Still, no worries. This is what's really important!

Would have been nice if I would have brought my Casio and battery powered Marshall amp up here. Little Rock is ripe for a "guerilla" noise show!

M

Alive In Little Rock

2005-11-06T21:11:00.000-05:00

2 Days driving. Made it to LR. Tomorrow (Monday), all-out medical testing. Full day and then some. Hopefully, Dad's cancer will still be in remission.

I'm wiped out. Bedtime and early am wakeup. Nite, nite.

M

For Those About to... (Little) Rock.

2005-11-04T09:22:00.000-05:00

This time tomorrow, I will once again be on the road to Arkansas, my second home. I'm pretty used to these trips now - 2 days there and 2 days back. I don't like why I'm going, but what the hell, the food's good and the people are nice.

Today I'm packing, getting my shit together for the trip. No podcasts for a while - sorry. But, I'll be blogging and maybe some photo taking too.

- - -

Please allow me to digress for a moment as the person(s) that this next section is directed to probably read my blog (and refer to my entry "Serpent" from this past August for a little clarification):

I heard that you once referred to a certain person as "dangerous". I know that person. Compared to him, I'm a fucking atomic bomb - catastrophic. You are about to cross the line. I stand coiled, ready to strike. The truth of my venom will pierce your veil of arrogance and paralyze your freedom. Your cardboard castle will burn to the ground and you will be left standing naked, like a plastic fool.

- - -

Now back to the program at hand.

CDs may be delayed a day or so in delivery as I'll be on the road. But, Little Rock is kind of in the middle of the country so delivery might be spared a day. It gets strange, however, because I always seem to sell a few CDs to people in my own backyard while I'm in Arkansas. Places like Land O Lakes, Brandon, Tampa and Lutz. My mailers have Florida return addresses, Florida destination addresses and Little Rock, Arkansas postmarks :-) This is the world I live in.

Support underground music!

M

Check Out My Rash!

2005-11-02T16:50:00.000-05:00

So much happens in such a little time.

My rash: As Hurricane Wilma approached, Tampa was forecast to get tropical storm to hurricane force winds. The palms and brush in my backyard are overgrown so, I'd better get to trimming. I spent about 3 hours doing that. Up to my neck in various plant matter and falling debris. Lucky us. No hurricane or really high winds of any kind. But as a "parting gift" if you will, 3 days later, I start itching. My right arm and right calf break out in a rash. Poison oak or sumac. Whatever. It itches. And as of today, I still have a rash. This stuff lasts about 2 weeks or so I read on the internet.

Noise show last Tuesday. Life-changing event. A total blast, and I can't wait to do another. Saw some nice young gentleman drink a bucket of mud then puke after his set. That's dedication!

My sister got married this past Saturday. A TV event. Really, there was a video crew there to cover the event. Yes, I'll be on a reality show called "Who's Wedding is it Anyway" or something similar. Probably air in a few months. More details as they become available. There goes my 15 minutes!

I head back to Little Rock with my father for testing. We'll be there for about 5 days. He'll get the "bone marrow biopsy", of course. Medical science sometimes sucks. At least it sucks when they ram a 9" needle into your hip bone.

Went from playing a noise show to mastering a 10 song Christian CD for the band Keilah. How's that for music variety?

M

813 Noise

2005-10-26T15:54:00.000-04:00

Show at the Masquerade last night. My first live performance in 11 years. Loud, brutal, insane, and fun. Oh, the power of hearing my noise blasting through a huge club soundsystem, shaking the place like an earthquake! Thanks PitGoddess for taking the awesome pictures. More will be online soon.

20 Years of Noise

2005-10-25T11:51:00.000-04:00

It was 20 years ago that I did my first noise show. Tonight, I do it again. I've even been practicing for this one. Got my gear together and packed up. Duct tape handy, and my circuit bent Casio. Video for backdrop projection is ready. I'm pumped up.

Is Tampa ready for noise? Seems like other towns have a good noise scene. Eugene, Oregon, Atlanta, Georgia, Richmond Virginia, Birmingham Alabama. Nothing in Tampa, why? We're the death metal capital of the world (in some eyes), you'd think that us "Tampons" would have an open mind. Maybe after tonight.

Gonna have some pix of the show for those not brave enough to make it (or who are geographically challenged).

M

Another Hurricane

2005-10-24T14:10:00.000-04:00

Wilma passed well to our south this morning. Hammered Naples and then Miami, Ft. Lauderdale. Round here, we had gusty winds to around 50 at best, and not for long. Rained for about 8 hours. Then it quickly passed. No damage around my place. I've already got the small plants back where they were before the storm.

I did a little recording of the storm, but no big deal. Nice imaging of splatty rain and a little wind in the palm and cypress trees. Not worth me getting up at 4am for, but I have it anyway. Might post a quick mp3 of it on my "field recording" page. So, Tampa is spared again, and hopefully we won't have to think about hurricanes again until next year!

Meanwhile, ReGurgiTron live at the Masquerade in Tampa (Ybor). 8pm tomorrow night, I'll be playing live in a brutal noise fest. Looking forward to blowing off some steam.

M

Questions From My Dreams

2005-10-21T09:52:00.000-04:00

As my alarm clock has a habit of waking me up before my dream journeys are completed, I have a few questions about some "unfinished business":

How the fuck do you lose a horse in a fenced in apartment complex?

What kind of bug is that?

How come I keep mis-dialing my own home number on my cell phone, and why do the numbers on the pad change every time I look?

Where did I put my wallet?

What's that toilet doing in the middle of this room?

Why is it all of a sudden 1982 again, but I'm a full grown adult?

Who's house is this?

How come I can't remember your name?

Where did I park my car, and which car was I driving when I parked it?

Who are all these people?

How come I was able to fly a minute ago, but now I've "forgotten" how or lost my ability?

These and so many more questions are left unanswered every day of my life. Though most of the time, I'm not bothered by this, there are moments where I stop and think....

Dark Times

2005-10-17T09:24:00.000-04:00

You're still with me? Good.

Stories and folklore say that they were truly dark times. However, I compared ambient light readings from then with those of today and found an insignificant difference. So what? Well, that means a lot because darkness must therefore be in the eye of the beholder, unquote. But it was still dark, right?

So, it wasn't truly dark except for when it was night. Then, dark was normal. Which reminded me of that time at that place with those people. In, where, a certain someone referred to another someone as a "parasite". To which, I rejected that comparison, being that it was an insult to the parasite, who by it's own DNA makeup could not help that it was a parasite. The "parasite" however was human and could by choice, choose to be a parasite or not. Insult! Make sense?

Notwithstanding, tales of perceived darkness were woven by the best storytellers and news magazines available. And those that read, heard, or watched, truly felt darkened, ambient light aside. They purchased the finest dark merchandise and drank the deepest, darkest drinks, only to be reminded that they should stay away from the light. Was it fear based? I don't think so. Although, fear is a powerful motivator. Makes me scared just to think about it.

To make matters even worse, or better, or not, the phone in my studio is broken. Another link in a long line of "broken stuff" around here.

Don't mess with Texas!

M

The Noise is Coming

2005-10-16T20:31:00.000-04:00

A week from this coming Tuesday, I'll be playing live at the Masquerade in Ybor. It's a big deal for me at least since I haven't played out in over 11 years. And I've never done it solo. And, I've only done one noise show - and that was in 1985 and it wasn't planned.

So in 9 days, I'm doing a solo noise show in a popular Tampa club. I'm looking forward to it. I've even been practicing. Plus, I created a video which will be projected behind me during my set. ReGurgiTron lives! My wife, Cindy, is bringing some of her "normal" friends who've never been to a noise show. This should prove interesting. Loud, yes. Very loud, yes. Could probably damage the sound system, yes. Cool, unless they make me pay for it. Hopefully, it won't be another 11 years before I do another show.

I'm bringing a minimal gear setup. Circuit bent Casio CZ-101 synth which I'll wear strapped on like a guitar (this is probably the first live performance of a circuit bent Casio CZ-101 synth ever!). I'll run that into a Moog MuRF, then to a Big Muff, then to a Boss DD-6 and finally to a Line 6 Echo Pro. That's it. Pretty straightforward. Like I said, I've been practicing. I've been working on different setups and refined things down to the above gear. Run a stereo feed to the live sound dude and that's it. No backing tracks, no Auto-tune, no hot backup singers. It's noise.

ReGurgiTron - Tuesday, October 25th, 8pm Masquerade Tampa! Oh, I'm opening for Black Meat, Soriah and Power Circus.

M

"All That Remains...

2005-10-11T12:57:00.000-04:00

is our friendship." At least that's what the Corleone's "family" attorney advised a certain Senator from Nevada. But that's just fiction.

Lots of my stuff has been breaking lately. My computer, my internet connection, my tooth, air conditioning, studio phone.... Whatever. These things happen in threes. Well, I'm working in multiples of "threes". Shit.

No podcasts for a while. All part of the havoc that is troubleshooting, losing massive information, having to re-load said information from disc recovery programs and backups, having to move said information to a new computer, having to install and troubleshoot new software into new computer. Then, there's the ever-popular "having to pay for all that shit" phase. Fun. So, I'll get some stuff online soon, thanks for your patience. New stuff is coming.

And, I'm playing live (as ReGurgiTron) on October 25th at the Masquerade Tampa (Ybor City) at 8pm. It's going to be an all out noise assault! Oh, and I've finished editing the video which will be projected behind me as I belt out some serious circuit bent noise. I'll be selling some ReGurgiTron merch there too: ReGurgiTron T-shirts and one of a kind ReGurgiTron 3" CDs. Bring your friends and enemies for the fun. More soon!

M

Same Story, Different Day

2005-10-05T14:48:00.000-04:00

I'm at my alternate location - Panera Bread, BBDowns, Blvd. No internet for me. I've installed a new DSL modem, but no luck. Probably a problem with the line to my house. It's fucked. I feel cut off from the world especially since I'm only checking my email once each day.

Still recovering from my computer meltdown this past weekend. I was able to grab a good amount of data from the old laptop, but I haven't been able to install much on the new machine that requires internet authorization because... you know.

Been making a video which will be projected behind me when I play at the Masquerade (Tampa) on October 25th. ReGurgiTron lives! and live too.

M

Malfunction, Overload, I'm Pissed

2005-10-03T14:06:00.000-04:00

Long time no post. Sorry.

Last week, A/C out, studio got to around 100 degrees which probably had a hand in my Powerbook taking a huge shit. No way to get computer working except for creating a boot disk from an external drive. Lost a ton of information.

Saturday, got a new Powerbook. Bit the bullet cuz, I HAVE to have a computer. Transferring recovered data to new machine. Old machine limps on external boot disk. Still, some information is not yet recovered.

Saturday, part 2. DSL modem takes a bigger shit. The Fujitsus that Verizon send out suck. The ethernet connectors always go. I've had to solder new connections to the circuit board to get it working again. That kept going for over a year. But it bit the big one and finally died. Verizon is sending me a new one. Gets here on Wednesday if I'm lucky. So, no internet for me.

I'm accessing the net from Panera Bread on Bruce B. Downs till my modem gets here. Sucks, that you can't get a DSL modem at Circuit City!

So, if I'm a little slow on responding to email...you know why.

ReGurgiTron (me) playing live at the Masquerade Tampa on October 25th! Show starts around 8!!!!

M

The Rumors of My Despise are Re-Mature

2005-09-28T12:52:00.000-04:00

Whatever. Like I meant that to be something that it wasn't or was for that matter. And yet, you're still reading this so, here goes:

Once again my A/C is out. Should be fixed later today. It's a beast here, and I'm working in my studio with lots of heat-generating equipment. Kind of makes me a little insane. Which is actually an improvement as some would consider. Is it hard to be inspired when your ass is on fire? You tell me. My guess is that when your ass is on fire, anything's possible.

And now for the good stuff.

I once received a phone call from a person about a place. It went on for just a few seconds. A sharp sound was heard in the background so I turned. Now distracted from the phone call, I see a cardinal perched at my window. Taking this to have some significance, I turned off my cassette player. You can see where this is going, right? You guessed it. I then made lunch. Macaroni and cheese of course. After finishing breakfast, I brushed my teeth and laid down for a good night's rest. It was then that I took off my shoes. I had awakened the night previous with a stunning thought which was that you can tell Satan in human form by his bi-colored eyes. The coffee was especially good that afternoon.

Remember how I said that in 5th Grade the month of September seemed to last forever? It's in one of my previous blog entries, I can assure you. Well, I'm not having that issue now. So where was I. Oh, that's right. Then three of them approached from the south. Only three? I'd expected five, at least that's what I had ordered. Splinters, I tell you. All of them. Except for the first. I saved it for later. Damn that cardinal.

M

Life sucks when you live in a Jar!

2005-09-23T14:34:00.000-04:00

You feel the pressure. Nothing's moving.
You're enclosed. Murky fluid surrounds.

And, yet, there's hope. It's a jar, that's all.
Only a jar. And life sucks when you live in it.

Just sitting on a shelf in a jar. Glass. Not plastic.
It makes a difference to a fish. Even a dead one.

M

Music Meets Martial Arts

2005-09-17T11:17:00.000-04:00

Why do it? Both, I mean. Why do music? And, why do martial arts? It's easier to sit around and watch TV or play computer games. Stuffing one's face with junk food is also much easier. So why bother with the "hard stuff"?

I wondered that last night as I felt the impact of a swift kick to my midsection. At 20, you can brush those things off. At 37, you feel it. And you better react fast because there's another one on its way. Fortunately, I had a fast reaction, and the next kick missed me. My response was to land a series of firm but respectful punches to my opponent's face. We're even. What are friends for, anyway?

Why spend a perfectly good Friday night saturated in sweat, riddled with bruises and reeking of body odor when there's a special on 24 packs of cold, refreshing, frosty beer next door?

At 20, I'd be sure to take advantage of the beer special. But, I'm not 20 am I? I'm supposed to be smarter, wiser, and more mature now. Right. And yet, I find myself driving almost an hour one way (in the snow - uphill - with no shoes), 3 nights a week, to participate in something that most would consider torture. And, I enjoy it.

So, where does music come in to play? Well, martial arts has improved my music skills. I mean it. A little over 4 years of crushing blows to my skull has really freed my brain up from some life's baggage. Call it "deer in the headlights" or having "some sense knocked into me" or whatever you like. But, it's true. I take more risks in creating music now than I did 4 years ago.

You might not like what you hear from me today. And, since it's very free-form and noise infused, I can understand that. But, it's good "clean" fun for me. And, there are plenty who submit themselves to listening to my creations on the net. Ahh, how the future's been fun.

My wife Cindy and I were awarded our black belts back in March. Shortly thereafter, someone asked me a question that went something like, "OK, you've got your black belts. What do you do now, quit?". It was a legitimate question. Most people think that a black belt is it. You can't go any further, so, that must be "it". Not true, though. At black belt, you are at a point where you are now ready to BEGIN to learn martial arts. Ready to begin? Yes. What the hell have we been doing all this time then? Getting ready to begin to learn, I guess.

So, when you listen to my newer aural creations (if you're brave enough - and if not that's cool too), think of a few things. Think of my neural synapses shuddering as something lands on my outer body structure. Think of my brain as it rattles and overheats under the pressure of a spinning hook kick's impact. Think of the biological circuitry which interlaces throughout my human form. It bends under the pressure of extreme exertion. Then, go next door and pick up a case of cold, refreshing, frosty beer.

By the way, ReGurgiTron is for lovers.... I forgot what I was going to say next.

M

ReGurgiTron is for Lovers?

2005-09-16T14:54:00.000-04:00

That makes no damn sense. And that's what that nice man in the picture below is thinking as he looks over the latest ReGurgiTron flyer, which has written on it, "Don't crap in my pool and I won't shoot your dog!". It's just sick.

Another week has passed and what do we have to show for it? A new grey hair? Yes. Still, it was worth it. I've learned a lot. Firstly, is that you can never be sure what's going to happen next. Second, I forgot which batteries I was looking for. Thirdly, and somewhat less importantly is to turn off my compressor after I've finished abusing it.

Friday night. Many years ago, it would mean I was going out somewhere to do something. Tonight, it's karate. Hardcore karate. The kind that makes you pass out from a lack of oxygen. But, oxygen can be somewhat overrated, huh?

M

"I am your density"

2005-09-15T09:36:00.000-04:00

Me again. We all have those little "George McFly" moments in our lives, don't we? Come on, admit it. It's one of the nice things about being human.

Some ideas to share with you as the tubes in my compressor warm up and stabilize....

I'm looking out my window, and something's looking back. Most people would ignore it, but, I'm not most. Here's a snap of the little voyeur.

My old computer is really old. It thinks it's 1956. That means that the PRAM battery has gone once again. It's a Powermac G3/266 desktop from 1998. That's pretty ancient in computer years. And yet, I still use it for some stuff. Gotta squeeze every bit of value I can from it before it meets its maker. My old computer must feel kind of inferior around my newer machines and so it acts out by thinking it's 1956. 1956, A time when computers took up entire rooms and wielded the processing power of a $3 Radio Shack calculator. It feels like a god in that company.

"No worries", as my Aussie friends would say. Just change the date and all's well. I know, I could splurge and get a new PRAM battery for less than $10, but who has an extra $10 lying around these days?

Re: My father's teeth. Still have the molars in bleach. My sister, Terri, has declined my offer to give her a tooth, so now I'm stuck with both. She doesn't know what she's missing!

What to do with my father's teeth? Any ideas? Just make sure they're respectful ideas like having them bronzed, or getting them made into a necklace or something cool.

ReGurgiTron - live at the Masquerade in Ybor on October 25th! I haven't played live since 1994 and that was at a "redneck bar-b-que". Hey, I've played at parties, mental institutions, sidewalks, garage sales, assisted living facilities, and church picnics. I like the challenges. Oh, wait. Maybe I was dreaming. Who knows these days? I really did play at a mental institution once. I wasn't a patient either.

It's been a long road, but I think I've found my muse. Finally, after all this time. It's going to be loud. It's going to be noise. It's going to be fun! Tell your friends!

M

Tweak

2005-09-14T16:41:00.000-04:00

Turn a knob and all hell breaks loose. At least if I'm lucky.
Stand back. I'll do it, I swear. You know I mean it.
Today's not the day to mess with me. See that knob?
One move. That's it. Just one little tweak and I unleash the oscillator.

I still can't find my batteries. It's been so long since I misplaced them, that I don't even remember which batteries they were. And you think you've got problems.

This past January, I went 2 weeks without seeing the sun. For a Florida native like myself, that's just wrong. Talk about screwing with one's brain. I was in Arkansas at the time. 2 weeks of clouds, fog, some sleet, drizzle, and near freezing temps. Except at night when it was usually below freezing. I'm from Tampa, Florida. 2 weeks without seeing the sun is just wrong. I haven't fully recovered.

These aren't the droids I'm looking for.

M

Code Name Not Included as Kitty Flies

2005-09-13T12:22:00.000-04:00

What? Yes, I meant that and then some. This morning I woke up early as my small cat, Cujo, jumped on me. I twitched and sent her flying. Didn't mean to, but a little kitty in motion with the additional help of a "twitching human" will certainly stay in motion. That's right from Physics 101 kids (or 1001 as when I was in college - not that I'd dare take physics then anyway).

After dealing with the "flying cat" incident (Cujo was not injured so don't get on my ass PETA, cuz I do love animals and I felt bad about the "twitch"), for some reason, I thought today was Wednesday. That lasted about a minute. I came to my senses and guess what? It's Tuesday. Free day for me, and for those others who don't know "when" it really is either. What to do with my "free day"? I dug out my guitar, of course. I guess I was inspired by my previous blog posting. What the hell? Not one to do anything conventional (except for when I'm expected to be unconventional) I hooked up my instrument through a small chain of distortion boxes and an amp simulator (didn't have that in 1984 did we?), and belted out some amazing, brutal, molten, sludge noise. I wish I played like this 20 years ago! Damn would my Carrollwood neighbors have hated me. Well, you can hear some of it in my latest ReGurgiTron podcast. Remember, it's noise and it's loud so be careful if you're not used to such intensity.

For whatever reason, audio abuse is really good therapy for me. And who out there couldn't benefit from some good therapy every so often?

And to answer that question. No, another question that was not presented on this humble blog. Stewart's t-shirt had the band name "Winger" on it in the Beavis and Butthead cartoons from the 90's, so there. Beavis had "AC/DC" and Butthead had "Metallica". Come on, we remember the 90's don't we? Now where the hell did I put my batteries?

M

1984

2005-09-11T13:51:00.000-04:00

I was interviewed recently for an underground "zine". One of the questions I was asked was something like "what did I miss most about the 80s metal scene?". Well, I had to think... a lot. That was a long time ago.

But to sum it up, what I missed most was just how simple things were and that I don't think I really appreciated it while I was living it. Not that I was anything "in" the metal scene then. I listened to the music. I listened to all kinds of music then. But what the hell did I know? I was just 16 then. I was different then. I was simple, ignorant, vibrant, and narrowminded - just like most 16 year olds.

Here's some of what I was doing back then. In 83-84, I was a sophomore in high school. I had an awesome job at a place called "The Old World Cheese Shop" in Carrollwood. I was a busboy. Cleaning tables (there were 25 of them), filling drinks, cleaning the bathrooms, doing dishes occasionally and whatever else needed to be done. I was paid $2.01 an hour plus tips. I worked Saturdays, and some weeknights. During the summer, I was working 6 days a week. Probably made $100 a week during a good summer run. Best job I ever had. Few responsibilities, few expenses, few worries.

I was also in a band with a cheezy name "New World" (the name had nothing to do with where I worked). We sucked. I was by far the worst "musician" in the group with one year of guitar playing under my belt. We sucked, but at least we tried. We did all original tunes. You can only imagine the horror, right? Well I have a tape. Yes, that tape that you see above. See, in addition to my horrible guitar skills circa 1984, I also was the one who had to record everything. Things have not changed much since, as you can see by my choice of career. Oh, I got a little better on guitar and I got much better at recording.

Our band practices usually consisted of long hours of messing around. Smoking a little pot, drinking beer (when we could get it), yelling at each other, working on refining our sucky sound, and talking about chicks. Oh, did I mention that we sucked? I still liked being in the band, and I listened to our "jam tapes" with a great enthusiasm, knowing that some day we'd get better. Like most teenage bands, however, we didn't get better. We broke up.... And the world was saved!

In '84, I played guitar constantly. My poor family must have suffered so. As soon as I got home from school, I'd plug in. Stop for dinner, then back upstairs to contribute to the growing noise pollution of that era. I'd record some stuff on the cassette decks I "acquired" from my father's stereo system. Somehow, I managed to get my hands on a passive Radio Shack mixer. Then, 2 cassettes plus 1 mixer, and I had "sound on sound" recording (or is it "suck on suck" recording)! It was bad. Not just my playing, but the recording quality. I think that somewhere, I have one of those tapes lying in wait. Festering in the abyss of one of my closets. Lurking at the bottom of a dingy box. Covered in dust that dates back to the "Reagan era". Better not even try to find that one.

So there you have it. A glimpse back in time. Fortunately, I've refined my skills a little and the world is now a safer place (at least in some ways).

M

D8(0w % ** ><>=)(\T U si e ji oX ^

2005-09-09T16:16:00.000-04:00

What. Inverted images. Strands of lighted flares.
Stun then flip. Wrap around a center.
Billowing up towards an unknown top.

And if it can reach a crest, so much the better.
Flash. Every color in the visible spectrum.
But only an instant. Then nothing.
Which makes way for a blast of... wind.

Pages flipped at incredible speeds. Drive.
Text wavers and blurs. It's only time for an instant.
Then nothing. Not even that. Just nothing. If at all.

What?

M

Cancer Sucks!

2005-09-07T09:48:00.000-04:00

Those keeping up with my entries know that for over a year, I've been helping my father in his fight with cancer. But more than that, cancer is hitting close to "home" for me.

I just found out last night that a former martial arts "colleague" of mine died of colon cancer. His name is Iman. He was a couple of years older than me and if he had kept up with his martial arts, he'd be a black belt by now. But, about 3.5 years ago he got married to a very sweet lady and they had a child. A new marriage, job, and a baby kind of got in the way of his training and I haven't seen him in well over 2 years.

Iman and his wife are from Iran. His wife (who I only met on a couple of occasions) speaks very little English and now has a baby and no husband (and lives in a country where Middle Eastern people are generally looked upon suspiciously). I'm not sure what her plans are. I didn't even know that Iman was sick.

In addition to Iman, I found out that one of my favorite teachers from my high school days has a very aggressive form of cancer. His name is Ted Adams. He taught Marine Biology at Chamberlain High School in Tampa (still does, I believe). I was in his 4th period class during my senior year (1985-1986 - I know that's a long time ago). Where was I when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded? I was in Mr. Adam's class 4th period. We all went outside and saw the vapor trails that led up to disaster, then forked off as the rockets strayed away from the debris. Yes, you can see Shuttle launches easily from Tampa on a clear day. Mr. Adams had a TV brought into class and we all watched the news reports.... This was 1986. Not all classrooms had TVs in them then.

Mr. Adams stood out as a teacher for me and lots of his other students because he actually cared. Not just about the subject of his classes, but also about his students. He really likes his students. Knew us by name and personalities. Back in '86 I saw him at a local drug store. He had gotten out of his red sports car (a Pontiac Fiero, I believe) and was helping an old woman get out of the passenger seat. Turns out the woman was his grandmother and he was taking her to the drug store - to get drugs, I guess. But, here was one of the "cool" teachers, helping out his grandmother. He introduced me to her, too. That's just the kind of person he is, and that's stuck with me for all these years. Without knowing it, he taught me a lesson on what's really important in life. 20 years later, how many teachers do you remember by name and what period class you had with them?

What makes me really sad about all of this is that here we have 3 good people. Not famous. Not rich. Not essential to the overall functionality of the world. Just good people. I've met plenty of other good people who have cancer too. Guess that's going to happen when someone hangs around the cancer outpatient part of a hospital for months on end.

I need to abuse some audio, it's good therapy.

M

I know. I know.

2005-09-06T14:51:00.000-04:00

It's been over a week since I've uploaded a new podcast. Still getting plenty of downloads of my shows which is great. Plus the emails. But I WILL get new stuff out soon. More "Difficult Listening Channel", I swear.

Been mastering a couple of projects for outside clients. Been hanging with my wife Cindy. I enjoy that.

I'm in pain from an old injury. I herniated a disc in my neck back in 2001. Karate injury. But, long before, I was in a car accident. It was 1993. I injured my neck then, so, I guess, the karate injury of '01 really had its roots some 8 years before. I've done well maintaining my injury. No surgery and I don't want anyone cutting on my neck.

However, in karate, we fight. Sometimes it gets rough. OK, it gets rough a lot. And, since Cindy and I changed karate schools (see the "Customer (Dis)-service" entries earlier for clues) we have a whole new crew of black belts to tangle with. Some of them fight like they're at tournaments. Hard and fast, with not the best control. Hit hard, hit often. Well, I can sling a hit as hard as anyone. Probably harder than most. But the relentless absorption of impacts to my head really screws with my neck (yes, I do block, but when you fight, you're gonna get hit). Pain shoots down my left arm. Numbness, tingling and the like. Would be nice to be 21 again.

So more sounds, podcasts, synthetic abuse and audio editorial distruction. Soon. Yes. Soon. OK? OK.

M

Fragile

2005-09-03T23:01:00.000-04:00

We are great. But we are also fragile. Very fragile. Sometimes we forget.

M

Teeth

2005-09-02T09:11:00.000-04:00

Those of you who have been keeping up with my blog and website know that for the last year, I've been actively working with my father, helping him battle his cancer. He was diagnosed in May of 2004 with multiple myeloma which is also known as a cancer of the bone marrow.

In August of '04 we drove up to Little Rock, Arkansas for his first round of chemotherapy. 6 cycles of chemo and 2 stem cell transplants later, the cancer in his body is barely detectable. We've worked very hard to get to this point. Over the last 13 months, we've probably spent 4 months in Little Rock. We lived in hotels for weeks on end, visiting the hospital for treatments and testing almost daily and sometimes multiple times daily.

Chemotherapy, and related cancer treatments do have side effects. Aside from the obvious hair loss, there's unprecedented fatigue, loss of appetite, depression, weight gain/loss, and more. Tooth rot? Yes. My father has had excellent dental health his entire life. Never a cavity. Well during his cancer treatment, he started to get a toothache. Turns out that chemotherapy can have adverse effects on teeth. So, yesterday he had to have 3 teeth pulled. I was invited to watch the procedure and I brought my camera along. Below is a snap of the procedure, which wasn't as gory as I thought it would be. I guess I've been hardened by all the bone marrow biopsies I've witnessed.

I got to keep 2 of my father's teeth. Don't ask me why I wanted them, cuz I can't really tell you. My father said that his teeth "rejected his body" and they probably did. Hell, if your body was filled with poison 6 times over the last year, would your teeth want to stay? So, I have 2 of my father's teeth in a bag of peroxide. Tomorrow, I'll take his teeth out of the peroxide and move them to bleach. That'll whiten them. Maybe I'll give my sister a tooth. Who knows? Remember, I can't tell you why I wanted his teeth. Weird.

Help out the victims of Hurricane Katrina: www.redcross.org

M

Tags: Multiple Myeloma | chemotherapy | Hurricane Katrina | Red Cross

Wires

2005-08-31T14:14:00.000-04:00

Crawling, multicolored strands. Almost chaotic in nature.
Used to carry signals of some sort or not.
Could be, and if so, then which do I cut?

Not that one. It's red. Might be live.
But why cut only one?
They're just wires. Never hurt anyone.

Out of focus and out of frame.
Wires, strands, shades and colors.
They're just wires. Get over it. Let the chaos be.

What the hell else can I say? My A/C's been out for days. Not supposed to get looked at till Friday and as you know, studio's get real hot. Still, it's nothing compared to what the tens of thousands of people are going through in the aftermath of Katrina. So, I'm not too bummed.

M

Shh!

2005-08-30T12:39:00.000-04:00

Shh, I'm mastering a CD today. Smooth Jazz. I know, strange for an experiMENTAL noise guy like myself to be mastering Smooth Jazz. But sound is sound. Good sound is good sound. Mastering is making good sound on the "molecular" level.

Well, maybe not exactly "molecular", but where mixing works in inches and tracking works in feet, mastering works in centimeters (or less). It's pretty intensive work. Lots of quality control as this is the last stage before replication.

Also, digging through some of my field recordings for a couple of specific sounds that could possibly go into a "mass produced" product. I can't say what at this time because it's kind of confidential. No. Really, I mean it.

Looks good for a ReGurgiTron show live at the Masquerade Tampa on October 25. Things aren't 100% set in stone, however I am on the bill for that night and will probably be going on early on the list - opening for the opening band's roadie's sister-in-law or something. It's going to be fun, loud and, well...loud. Noise, just like Grandma used to make when she had a noise band back in the 1930's. So, ReGurgiTron will be playing live! Details will be made available ASAP.

*** I feel terrible for the people who've suffered the devastation of Hurricane Katrina.

M

Tags: noise | ReGurgiTron | Hurricane Katrina | mastering | field recording

Nature is Calling

2005-08-27T13:08:00.000-04:00

That damn bluejay. Swooped down and grabbed the wrong moth. Yes, the Texas hurricane was prevented. However, the moth that started Hurricane Katrina was not eaten. It's light wing flutter started what is now Katrina (at least according to one theory).

Swell.

The eye of Hurricane Katrina passed right over my Aunt and Uncle's home in Ft. Lauderdale. Damn, Florida has a target painted on it that only hurricanes can see. Kind of like a tornado to a trailer park.

Looks like I'll be playing live at the Masquerade in Ybor City. October 25th - ReGurgiTron live! I mean it. More details will be on my website. Join the fun as I blast out a noisy mess. It's ReGurgiTron. It's noise. It's love.

M

Tags: noise | ReGurgiTron | Hurricane Katrina | Florida

Serpent

2005-08-25T10:41:00.000-04:00

I am a serpent. My venom is truth.
I stand coiled, ready to strike.
The rattling sound of my viper teeth cut through silence and darkness.
My venom is truth. My venom is power. My venom is bold.

Red belt in karate signifies danger.
I am 2 years beyond that.
I stand coiled, ready to strike.
I am the speed of lightning and the strength of the Earth.

I am a serpent. To strike is a last resort.
My warning signs can be no more apparent.
If used, my teeth will cut through flesh. My venom is truth.
My venom is truth. I stand coiled, ready to strike.

Michael Oster